grub + travels + perspectives

11:02 Confessions


I guess with each time that passes, your priorities change as well. I've not posted anything personal in this blog for so long, it almost seems somewhat awkward to put something right now that's been brewing inside my head. I've read the last one I posted and it felt so... ugh, I don't know, forced maybe? Maybe I've gotten too old for it or maybe I'm not ~*~sad enough~*~ to come up with something good. On my way to work, I realized that I am better at writing about my emotions when I'm on the gloomy end of the scale. Or maybe I've just gotten better at filtering what's supposed to go here and what's not, which, in a way, defeats that purpose of me putting up an online space. But really, not everyone needs to know about your business.


I can't believe it's been 2 years since I last counted the days of wondering when I'll become the best version of myself. I have lost track, and frankly, it was the good kind of lost. Looking back, I realized how unhappy I was. During those days, people didn't talk about it. There were no available support systems. Being depressed somehow equated to being too emotional and whiny or borderline unstable and crazy. The world made me feel that my internal struggles were small and invalid compared to everyone's sufferings. When I read stories online about depression, emotional abuse and toxic relationships, I was able to associate myself with it. A lot of realizations and "So that's what that was."


One's mental health is equally important as to one's physique and emotions. Please always remember that. I am a firm believer of being kind to everyone you meet in this lifetime. But I've learned the hard way that being kind and bottling up your feelings just to not offend other people is one of the worst things ever. Because no matter how much you condition your mind and tell yourself that It's okay, I don't need to get upset over this. It's just a little thing. eventually, things are going to spill over. It's okay to complain. It's okay to put down your walls and cut yourself some slack. It's okay to cry. It's okay to call people out. It's okay to ask if what you're feeling is okay. It's okay to ask for help. It's really okay. I promise.


I think it's time to admit that this year, I have bitten off more than I can chew. Last year's HK trip gave me such a high (I know, I won't shut up about it. See? I'm bringing it up again right now haha), I practically said yes to everyone that asked me if I wanted to travel this year. That's one thing I both love and sorta hate about myself. I keep saying yes, until one day I realized that there's so much that's gonna happen this year, I don't know if I'll ever make ends meet. This thought gives me so much anxiety. You know that mindset that eventhough it's just almost mid-year, you feel like time's just wayyy too fast and everything's happening right before your eyes, you're not even half prepared for it? Wish me luck. And yes, I'll really, really, really think about it first before saying yes to anything. So watch out for my 2017 year ender if all is still well with me. Hahaha.


It's my 5th year at the office this year! Good job, self, for staying that long and not having any kind of thoughts of leaving anytime soon! *baconfetti* But with that progress I had with longevity and not quitting my job after x months (no, it's not that I am that fickle, it just took me some time to find something worth it), I realized how mediocre I am with work. I am definitely not the best but I'm not bad either. I'm just freely floating in the middle, bathing in all the glory of being ordinary. When asked how I can improve myself, I very, very well know the answer, but I just hate myself for not sticking with it. I hate how easily I get distracted and lose focus on my goal. And what I dislike the most is that I am actually contented in all of this average-ness. Wake up, Trish. You need to start doing something about this! ٩(๑`^´๑)۶