Truth Thursdays: To Answer Your QuestionThursday, May 28, 2015
Questions, I’ve got some questions
I want to know you
But what if I could ask you only one thing
Only this one time, what would you tell me?
- Questions, Jack Johnson
Everything unraveled and wrapped up before my very eyes, and most nights, I can't, still, characterize and categorize the situation. I guess it's just a matter of preference. Some people live for the thrill and the venturing to the unknown -- surprises and inconsistencies, gray areas and bending of rules. Some people live within limits and fences and parameters -- anything that sits outside of what they know, boggles them to the extreme and for them, definitely lacks logic. Can't blame them. Can't blame you or me. We are all wired in some sick way.
I have learned to set aside what needs to be set aside. I have learned not to fidget my fingers or look at the pavement or twirl my hair or avoid eye contact when I'm feeling anxious and nervous and giddy. But it still doesn't change the fact that in my mind, I still had questions. I remember asking them to myself every night, until one day I just had enough and peeled myself away from all this dissonance. I do not deserve all this bullshit. That's how it really felt like: stripped myself off of something I actually liked inch by sticky, clingy inch because that's what it was: bullshit. Gahd, I can't even remember why I somehow enjoyed being in that awful mess. What kind of a person am I? Hahaha.
All along what I needed was just something tangible, a little acknowledgment that the road went both ways. And in the most unforeseen way, everything was suddenly justified -- wait. I don't know if that's even the correct term for it. Maybe, validated? I kept thinking before how that was just all an elaborate story I've created in my mind because what happened is not how it appeared to be to others. But I guess I can finally let out a big sigh of relief because hey, I'm not just some crazy chick with make-believe tales. You said it yourself. Well, not in that syntax but I know you know what I mean. I needed what I needed to hear and I will leave everything at that. I'm just a bit glad to know that it was not all in my head after all. :)
This post is in response to Truth Thursdays' previous prompt, To Answer Your Question. Truth Thursdays exists to connect people through writing, to initiate something honest, thoughtful and meaningful. If you want to know more about Truth Thursdays and how to be a part of it, read here.