Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Familiarity, I think, is one of the things that lets us be at complete ease with the presence of another human being. You are familiar with each other. You may know each other's routines everyday, you may know a big messy chunk of this other person's life (and vice versa) and you may have developed a certain bond and somehow you let your guard down and allow yourself to fully incorporate their existence into your life.
But do you ever get puzzled with those moments that don't quite fit the picture? I don't know if it's just me being too keen but I always pick up those specific times when people all of a sudden deviate from their usual habits. There was always an answer to every question that you never ask (or you quietly ask inside your head). Two meters standing away from each other, you just bob your head to agree but there's that persistent feeling that you know -- you definitely know there's something that's not right.
Like perfectly straight hair since their existence then somehow they show up on your doorstep, with their hair completely disheveled. You get an unsolicited explanation, you pretend to believe but your mind is quickly filling up the blanks with conclusive mental pictures spitted out by your active imagination. Drip. Drip. Drip.
You shrug off that moment thinking that it's nothing. Eventually, a pattern begins to form and you can't help but think that all those other occurences were pieces to an elaborate glass jigsaw puzzle. Like it's just in front of you staring at your face but you just can't quite point it out yet. Just yet.
Yes, there's something wrong here. There are gaps and crevices all over. It is beginning to show.
I do not demand to know because I know can live without it. But it's hard not to get caught up with the mystery when there's the occasional slip of the tongue, inconsistent stories, and more inconsistent explanations, or lack thereof.
All I'm trying to say is I (think) I know. The puzzle is partially complete. And most of the time, I could not look at you the same way. Now, if you could just stop giving it away with your carelessness, your secret life will forever remain a secret. Because I really don't need/want/prefer to know.